Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
