I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
