I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
