he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
