Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
