dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
