Small penises have feelings too.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
