You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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