I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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