you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I smell like Dick and happiness
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
