I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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