I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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