the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
