you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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