Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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