I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
