i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
