Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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