chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
