how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
