Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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