I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
