i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
