can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
