I accidentally had phone sex last night
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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