I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
