Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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