so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
