lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
