Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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