No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
