There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
