Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
