What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
