I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
