dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
