yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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