In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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