yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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