Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
