a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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