I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
