So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
