I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
