Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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