How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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