One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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