Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
