yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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