break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
