she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
